Autism. The word strikes fear in the hearts of many parents of young children. Autism involves neurological impairments that inhibit social and communication abilities.
Asperger's Syndrome. An extremely high functioning form of autism, in which a person may still communicate with others yet has difficulty reading social cues accurately.
Pervasive Developmental Disorder. The spectrum of disorders that includes both Asperger's and Autism; a continuum of neurological disorder impacting the social and communicative realms. Often people who are diagnosed with any form of pervasive developmental disorder will repeat motions or words, form strong connections to inanimate objects, and/or exercise rigid routines.
So why write about autism? The number of autistic children is growing astronomically in our country, and we don't know why. One in 128 children will be diagnosed with autism. That's nearly one percent of children who will be diagnosed with a devastating illness of which we understand very little about.
Several years ago, there was research conducted regarding the MMR vaccine and a potential link to autism. Most children receive the MMR vaccine (measles, mumps, and rubella) around age two, which coincidentally also seems to be the same time that many parents and pediatricians notice the beginning signs of autism. Children who should be talking don't. Children who should be interacting with their environments aren't. Some children have very rigid routines that they can't give up, or favorite toys that they seem bound to.
We all know kids who have a favorite toy, or ones who like things done a certain way. These can be chalked up to developmental milestones or temperament in many cases. The difference is that a child with pervasive developmental disorder seems a slave to their routine. They are more attached to their favorite toy than a loving caregiver.
Initial and controversial research indicated that yes, there may be a link between the vaccine and autism. This was finally the answer so many parents and professionals were looking for. However, for a study to be considered valid, it must be repeated and the same results found to be true. To the best of my knowledge, this study was not repeated, leaving parents and professionals in a quandry: could it be true? Could we really be vaccinating our children in a way that caused autism?
In the last few weeks, another article was published in which the authors claimed that the original research was fabricated and there is no causal link between autism and the MMR vaccine. If this new article is correct, it leaves us all back where we started, only now looking at an increase in the diagnosis of children with this disorder. At the time the first article was published, one in 150 children could be expected to be diagnosed; today, it is one in 128. This leaves one to wonder what we will be looking at in ten more years.
The problems with this disorder run farther than figuring out what causes it. There are a variety of treatments that therapists follow as well as autism-specific behavior training. But many times treatment--even common therapeutic treatment--is expensive and not covered under insurance. Parents cannot afford to provide their children with the therapeutic means necessary to improve their neurological functioning. I liken this to one having a stroke and being denied physical, speech, or occupational therapies. We know autism is a neurological disorder. We also know that using a variety of interventions, especially early ones, can help children to function at a higher level. But for most families, the only interventions offered to them come in the public realm, through an already burdened school system. Therapeutic services are covered for almost all other disorders. Why not autism?
Why not autism? It's easier to dump the problem on an already-overburdened school system. Autism-specific treatment is intensive and expensive. And there's no guarantee that the child will make significant progress, although many do. My educated guess would be if there were a powerful lobby in Washington fighting for autism, it may be covered under insurance in some way. Until more people are willing to insist on this type of coverage, children will continue to suffer and insurance companies will continue to avoid responsibility.
It is common for schools to attempt to put children with autism in the same classroom to teach specific skills they may need. This may be suitable for part of the day for some children; however, including autistic children in regular environments with well trained staff (a practice called inclusion) often results in tremendous social and communicative growth.
We don't have the answers for autism, nor do we have all the answers in how to treat it. But denying these children the services they need to be successful is, in my opinion, criminal. School systems can only handle so much of the responsibility. These children need the opportunity to work with private therapists on a regular basis. And we need to continue our research, and fast--we are facing an autism epidemic.
If you are interested in advocating for autism or even just gaining more information, you can access the Think Autism page on facebook. Let your feelings be known on this important matter. It's important for no child to be allowed to fall through the cracks, never mind one in 128.
Thanks for reading, pass it on, and click on the links. :-)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
What to Look for in a Preschool
Whether you're a parent or a teacher, in my opinion it's important to know what to look for in a preschool. If you're searching for your child, you're looking for an environment in which your child can grow and flourish in a caring environment during early years, and if you're a teacher, you're hopefully looking for the same types of things for yourself.
Throughout my career, I've worked in a variety of environments and done about every job known to man in child care environments, from assistant teacher to director and everything in between. As a mom, my children attended both part- and full-time centers, with similar yet markedly different philosophies. They flourished in both environments because of the similarities more than the differences. These similarities are also the very things that made me a good teacher and happy employee.
I could easily write a chapter, if not a book, on what to look for when looking for a preschool, but I'll try to hit the main points. All of these should apply for both children as well as early childhood educators who are looking for work.
First, when you enter the center, how does the environment feel? Is it warm and cozy? A bit nutty? Is there someone in charge or nobody there? I have long held that you can tell immediately the tone of an elementary school by how you are treated by the secretaries. Pleasant secretaries generally work in pleasant environments. The same is true for the staff that you encounter upon first entering a child care center. Pleasant staff generally work in a pleasant environment.
Is the space itself--both in and out of the classrooms--comfortable and homey? What does it communicate to you? Is it in good repair and safe? Do you see bright colors, children's unique artwork, photographs of children at work? Is there a parent corner to either sit and relax or to grab some helpful informative brochures? Is there a family or parent board that gives you information about the center?
When looking in classrooms, does it appear that there are enough adults to meet the needs of the children? This can be a tricky question. All states have varying ratios and it's important to know the ratio of adults to children in your state. However, in my opinion, it's just as important to see if there appears to be enough adults to manage the group of children. Some groups of children simply need more adults to assist them to be successful. Along with this, ask yourself if the size of the group is overwhelming or feels comfortable to you. Unfortunately, many corporate childcares now try to place as many as thirty to thirty-five children in a classroom with multiple teachers. Regardless of how many adults you have, there is no way teachers can provide quality learning experiences when there are thirty-five children in a room.
Note the daily schedule. Are there periods of activity mixed with periods of more quiet experiences? In addition, is there a good balance of teacher-directed activities with child-selected activities? The majority of time young children spend in preschool should be spent in learning centers where they can choose what they would like to participate in and who they would like to participate with. Is this the case at the center you're looking at?
Does the staff appear to be trained and knowledgeable in working with children? Don't be afraid to ask how long teachers have worked at a center, and don't be afraid to observe their work. Do they approach children positively and with a problem-solving attitude, or are they punitive?
Many states are now moving toward a rating system for child care centers. Contact your local department of human services and find out about your state's rating system and what it means. This will help you to "decode" the quality of the center you're visiting. Ask if the center is rated, and ask if it is accredited and by whom. Child care centers that are accredited by the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) generally offer a higher quality program than other centers.
Watch the children themselves. Are they involved? Do they seem to be enjoying themselves? Do they get along with one another, or is there a lot of arguing or fighting? Remember that some arguing and fighting is typical at this age, but it is important for teachers to be able to help children to talk through their differences.
Keep in mind that your child will be spending the majority of the day in a particular classroom with a particular teacher, so those are the areas you need to focus on. If you are an educator interviewing for a job, keep in mind that this space and these children will be your classroom. Does it seem like a good fit? As a parent, you may love the director and the feel that you get upon entering the center, but if the actual classroom doesn't seem like a good fit for you, it's probably best to keep looking.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, find out the center's policy regarding parents "dropping in". In some schools, there may be a special room or observation booth that allows you to watch your child. In schools that do not have this, I highly recommend unannounced "visits", even if it's just to drop something off at the front desk. It's important that your child not be disrupted, but unexpected visits tell you a lot about a center and how people behave when they're not expecting company.
Regardless of the type of curriculum or school you choose, your child (or you!) will be much happier in an environment that meets your specific needs and developmental issues. Thanks for reading, pass it along, and click the links--they actually pay me for that stuff!
Throughout my career, I've worked in a variety of environments and done about every job known to man in child care environments, from assistant teacher to director and everything in between. As a mom, my children attended both part- and full-time centers, with similar yet markedly different philosophies. They flourished in both environments because of the similarities more than the differences. These similarities are also the very things that made me a good teacher and happy employee.
I could easily write a chapter, if not a book, on what to look for when looking for a preschool, but I'll try to hit the main points. All of these should apply for both children as well as early childhood educators who are looking for work.
First, when you enter the center, how does the environment feel? Is it warm and cozy? A bit nutty? Is there someone in charge or nobody there? I have long held that you can tell immediately the tone of an elementary school by how you are treated by the secretaries. Pleasant secretaries generally work in pleasant environments. The same is true for the staff that you encounter upon first entering a child care center. Pleasant staff generally work in a pleasant environment.
Is the space itself--both in and out of the classrooms--comfortable and homey? What does it communicate to you? Is it in good repair and safe? Do you see bright colors, children's unique artwork, photographs of children at work? Is there a parent corner to either sit and relax or to grab some helpful informative brochures? Is there a family or parent board that gives you information about the center?
When looking in classrooms, does it appear that there are enough adults to meet the needs of the children? This can be a tricky question. All states have varying ratios and it's important to know the ratio of adults to children in your state. However, in my opinion, it's just as important to see if there appears to be enough adults to manage the group of children. Some groups of children simply need more adults to assist them to be successful. Along with this, ask yourself if the size of the group is overwhelming or feels comfortable to you. Unfortunately, many corporate childcares now try to place as many as thirty to thirty-five children in a classroom with multiple teachers. Regardless of how many adults you have, there is no way teachers can provide quality learning experiences when there are thirty-five children in a room.
Note the daily schedule. Are there periods of activity mixed with periods of more quiet experiences? In addition, is there a good balance of teacher-directed activities with child-selected activities? The majority of time young children spend in preschool should be spent in learning centers where they can choose what they would like to participate in and who they would like to participate with. Is this the case at the center you're looking at?
Does the staff appear to be trained and knowledgeable in working with children? Don't be afraid to ask how long teachers have worked at a center, and don't be afraid to observe their work. Do they approach children positively and with a problem-solving attitude, or are they punitive?
Many states are now moving toward a rating system for child care centers. Contact your local department of human services and find out about your state's rating system and what it means. This will help you to "decode" the quality of the center you're visiting. Ask if the center is rated, and ask if it is accredited and by whom. Child care centers that are accredited by the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) generally offer a higher quality program than other centers.
Watch the children themselves. Are they involved? Do they seem to be enjoying themselves? Do they get along with one another, or is there a lot of arguing or fighting? Remember that some arguing and fighting is typical at this age, but it is important for teachers to be able to help children to talk through their differences.
Keep in mind that your child will be spending the majority of the day in a particular classroom with a particular teacher, so those are the areas you need to focus on. If you are an educator interviewing for a job, keep in mind that this space and these children will be your classroom. Does it seem like a good fit? As a parent, you may love the director and the feel that you get upon entering the center, but if the actual classroom doesn't seem like a good fit for you, it's probably best to keep looking.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, find out the center's policy regarding parents "dropping in". In some schools, there may be a special room or observation booth that allows you to watch your child. In schools that do not have this, I highly recommend unannounced "visits", even if it's just to drop something off at the front desk. It's important that your child not be disrupted, but unexpected visits tell you a lot about a center and how people behave when they're not expecting company.
Regardless of the type of curriculum or school you choose, your child (or you!) will be much happier in an environment that meets your specific needs and developmental issues. Thanks for reading, pass it along, and click the links--they actually pay me for that stuff!
ABCDXMYF....
Recently I was recalling one of my early experiences as a preschool teacher. At the time I was teaching children ages two and a half to three, and I adored my job. I spent a lot of time playing with my little students, and as is expected, our class had a regular routine. For those of you who may not be familiar, most routines at this age include a snack time, a potty time, a play time, and a brief group time,
As a master degreed educator with several years experience, I can tell you that how I conducted group then was extremely different than how I conduct group time now. Part of that is due to education, but a large part of it is due to experience,as well as my own personal philosophy regarding how children learn.
Those many years ago, my group time was quite likely your typical parents' dream. We sang a few songs, practiced counting, reviewed our calendar, and practiced our alphabet. After all, knowing how to count and recognize your letters are important skills, right?
Most parents who choose preschools for their children base their choices on several factors. One of the factors, of course, is the feel of the school--does it seem like a pleasant place for my child to learn? But more and more frequently, parents choose preschools based upon academic offerings. Do the children learn their alphabet? Do they count? Do they learn how to write their names? Do teachers review colors and shapes? These expectations often begin as early as two, and continue to grow at an alarmingly quick pace through preschool ages until kindergarten.
As I would sit with my preschoolers, I would listen proudly as those children recited the alphabet and their numbers. I patted myself on the back for being such a good and effective teacher. It never occurred to me that teaching a child to recite 26 letters was somewhat akin to teaching my dog to sit before I gave her a treat.
Is it critical for children to memorize all their letters and numbers? It's definitely helpful, but it's more helpful for adults to recognize that this is an exercise in memory recall, not one based in understanding language or number. In order for the letter A to mean anything to a child, the child has to understand that A is a symbol for a sound. The next step is recognizing that putting several of those symbols together stands for multiple sounds being put together that create words. Reading skills are not as simple as letter recognition. In fact, letter recognition is one very small part of a complex number of skills needed to read a word or sentence.
So here's a few things that as a parent, I would NOT be looking for in a preschool. I wouldn't want a school that drills letters and numbers. I wouldn't want a school that focuses heavily on academics. Instead, I would want a school in which all children's efforts are encouraged. A school that focuses most heavily on social skills in early childhood gives children a head start, and that's what I would choose.
Stay tuned for a post on what to look for--and ask--when choosing a quality preschool. Thanks for reading, pass this blog on, and click on the links! Thanks!
Gender and Self
Just today, one of my friends posted a statement on facebook about how she didn't understand what all the fuss was about regarding boys playing with dolls.
I don't live in the same area of the country anymore, so I'm not quite sure what she was referring to, but my guess is some article has been written in the paper in her area or something said on the television about how playing with dolls, dressing up, having a dollhouse, or such things make boys into "sissys".
I'm not sure who first came up with the sissy theory. Perhaps it was a man who felt his masculinity was impaired upon seeing a photograph his mother had snapped, capturing him with a head full of barrettes. Maybe it came from a man's memory of running out of his house, thrilled with his creative costume, and the realization that he was ridiculed by his friends. More likely, it comes from fathers who feel the pressure of our society to masculinize young children. It's uncommon to see boys snuggling baby dolls in the media, or boys dressing up in nontraditional garb--or even worse, "girl clothes". We want to imagine our little boys as being firefighters, police officers, even Wall Street wonders. Most people don't imagine their sons as early childhood teachers, nurses, or adult models.
When my own son was four, his class had a career day. He came home very excited at the idea and told me he wanted to be a teacher, like me. At the time I was a preschool teacher, and he thought I had a super cool job--probably because of the toys I had in my classroom, not to mention I was his mom. Within a few days, however, he had changed his mind and was torn as to what he wanted to be. Why? Because he was a boy, and boys don't grow up to be teachers of young children. At four, he had figured out from his friends that his gender should limit his career choices.
Why should we even care whether boys are given the opportunity to dress up or play with dolls? Why should I care if my little boy reins himself in and doesn't allow his friends to know what he really wants to be, because they'll make fun of him. He was right, after all; most men do not choose careers in early childhood education. Well, I'll tell you why. Because we want boys to grow up to know how to nurture others. It's a good thing for a man to know who he is and to make his own choices, and not based upon his physical parts. Boys who have the opportunity to explore roles--female and male--are more confident in the choices they make later on. Children who are provided a variety of gender-specific toys without stereotypes experience a higher level of creativity and a deeper understanding of the roles of those around them. Any child who is encouraged to be true to him or herself in expressing his or her desires for the future has the opportunity to feel competent, appreciated, and encouraged to pursue his or her goals.
I've been married for eleven years, and I can tell you from experience that I want a spouse who is respectful of me; who understands my role as a woman and a mother and a wife; who encourages and appreciates me as a person. When we give our children the opportunity to express themselves freely without rigid stereotypes, we give them the opportunity to develop these skills. And over time, these skills develop into social skills that make people more desirable as citizens, friends, and even spouses.
Most of us have, at one point or another, seen a child play with a toy weapon, but we don't fear the child will develop into a sociopath who will manipulate and kill all those in his or her path. Neither should we fear that a boy who tries on a pair of heels will become a cross dresser, or a girl who enjoys building elaborate block buildings will become a lesbian.
I don't live in the same area of the country anymore, so I'm not quite sure what she was referring to, but my guess is some article has been written in the paper in her area or something said on the television about how playing with dolls, dressing up, having a dollhouse, or such things make boys into "sissys".
I'm not sure who first came up with the sissy theory. Perhaps it was a man who felt his masculinity was impaired upon seeing a photograph his mother had snapped, capturing him with a head full of barrettes. Maybe it came from a man's memory of running out of his house, thrilled with his creative costume, and the realization that he was ridiculed by his friends. More likely, it comes from fathers who feel the pressure of our society to masculinize young children. It's uncommon to see boys snuggling baby dolls in the media, or boys dressing up in nontraditional garb--or even worse, "girl clothes". We want to imagine our little boys as being firefighters, police officers, even Wall Street wonders. Most people don't imagine their sons as early childhood teachers, nurses, or adult models.
When my own son was four, his class had a career day. He came home very excited at the idea and told me he wanted to be a teacher, like me. At the time I was a preschool teacher, and he thought I had a super cool job--probably because of the toys I had in my classroom, not to mention I was his mom. Within a few days, however, he had changed his mind and was torn as to what he wanted to be. Why? Because he was a boy, and boys don't grow up to be teachers of young children. At four, he had figured out from his friends that his gender should limit his career choices.
Why should we even care whether boys are given the opportunity to dress up or play with dolls? Why should I care if my little boy reins himself in and doesn't allow his friends to know what he really wants to be, because they'll make fun of him. He was right, after all; most men do not choose careers in early childhood education. Well, I'll tell you why. Because we want boys to grow up to know how to nurture others. It's a good thing for a man to know who he is and to make his own choices, and not based upon his physical parts. Boys who have the opportunity to explore roles--female and male--are more confident in the choices they make later on. Children who are provided a variety of gender-specific toys without stereotypes experience a higher level of creativity and a deeper understanding of the roles of those around them. Any child who is encouraged to be true to him or herself in expressing his or her desires for the future has the opportunity to feel competent, appreciated, and encouraged to pursue his or her goals.
I've been married for eleven years, and I can tell you from experience that I want a spouse who is respectful of me; who understands my role as a woman and a mother and a wife; who encourages and appreciates me as a person. When we give our children the opportunity to express themselves freely without rigid stereotypes, we give them the opportunity to develop these skills. And over time, these skills develop into social skills that make people more desirable as citizens, friends, and even spouses.
Most of us have, at one point or another, seen a child play with a toy weapon, but we don't fear the child will develop into a sociopath who will manipulate and kill all those in his or her path. Neither should we fear that a boy who tries on a pair of heels will become a cross dresser, or a girl who enjoys building elaborate block buildings will become a lesbian.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sickly
Monday morning I woke up feeling ill. I had experienced a stressful weekend so decided to go to work anyway, figuring that my nausea, etc. was a result of stress. My boss agreed and I taught my class, leaving a half hour early that day.
As I was resting that afternoon, my son found me and announced he had just vomited in the toilet. Terrific, I thought. Not only is this NOT stress, but I probably just spread it to a class of unwitting preschoolers.
Most childcare centers are required to send children home who show signs of illness until they have been symptom-free without medication for 24 hours. It's been my experience that this policy causes a tremendous amount of confusion and frustration for parents. If the child isn't running a fever, why can't they go to school? He only threw up once last night, what's the big deal? Everyone has green mucous once in awhile.
I personally have a condition that compromises my immune system, and am at a much higher likelihood to catch whatever comes into the classroom, even after all these years. I've had children in my classroom with all sorts of medical conditions that could be extremely dangerous should they catch bronchitis, the flu, or whatever is going around. In other words, the rules are in place to keep EVERYONE healthy, not just your child.
When my kids are sick, and even when they were young, my thoughts were always in the mindset of, "Could they possibly infect another child?" If the answer was yes, they stayed home. If the answer was no, my next question was, "Do they feel well enough to go to school?" Did they seem to have the stamina to complete the day's activities or were they dragging? Did they seem worn? I have one child who only slows down if she's extremely ill. We know when her speed goes down to dragging, it's time to go to the doctor, stat.
In trying to keep our kids--and ourselves--healthy, there are several steps we can take. Eating a healthy diet and getting enough exercise are important. Sleep is important as well, and most of us, including children, don't get enough of it. All of these are important for overall general good health. But even more important is the regular washing of hands. Teach your children how to wash hands. I know a lot of people don't buy into the whole handwashing thing--anyone who's been in a public restroom can testify to the fact that there are tons of people out there who do not wash their hands. But here's the proper way to wash: Turn the water on; wet your hands and apply soap; scrub for twenty seconds (about the time it takes to sing Happy Birthday or the ABC song), then rinse. Dry your hands on a paper towel and turn the water off using the towel. In public places, this is the safest way to avoid germs that spread and keep your family healthy. Wash your hands whenever you enter or leave a public room, use any public surface, use the restroom, before and after you eat, and whenever you get any substance on your hands. In cases where you lack appropriate facilities, hand sanitizer will work until you get to a sink.
Sounds like a lot of work? It is. But it's a lot better than trying to force gatorade down a sad little preschooler as you're missing a much needed day of work.
As I was resting that afternoon, my son found me and announced he had just vomited in the toilet. Terrific, I thought. Not only is this NOT stress, but I probably just spread it to a class of unwitting preschoolers.
Most childcare centers are required to send children home who show signs of illness until they have been symptom-free without medication for 24 hours. It's been my experience that this policy causes a tremendous amount of confusion and frustration for parents. If the child isn't running a fever, why can't they go to school? He only threw up once last night, what's the big deal? Everyone has green mucous once in awhile.
I personally have a condition that compromises my immune system, and am at a much higher likelihood to catch whatever comes into the classroom, even after all these years. I've had children in my classroom with all sorts of medical conditions that could be extremely dangerous should they catch bronchitis, the flu, or whatever is going around. In other words, the rules are in place to keep EVERYONE healthy, not just your child.
When my kids are sick, and even when they were young, my thoughts were always in the mindset of, "Could they possibly infect another child?" If the answer was yes, they stayed home. If the answer was no, my next question was, "Do they feel well enough to go to school?" Did they seem to have the stamina to complete the day's activities or were they dragging? Did they seem worn? I have one child who only slows down if she's extremely ill. We know when her speed goes down to dragging, it's time to go to the doctor, stat.
In trying to keep our kids--and ourselves--healthy, there are several steps we can take. Eating a healthy diet and getting enough exercise are important. Sleep is important as well, and most of us, including children, don't get enough of it. All of these are important for overall general good health. But even more important is the regular washing of hands. Teach your children how to wash hands. I know a lot of people don't buy into the whole handwashing thing--anyone who's been in a public restroom can testify to the fact that there are tons of people out there who do not wash their hands. But here's the proper way to wash: Turn the water on; wet your hands and apply soap; scrub for twenty seconds (about the time it takes to sing Happy Birthday or the ABC song), then rinse. Dry your hands on a paper towel and turn the water off using the towel. In public places, this is the safest way to avoid germs that spread and keep your family healthy. Wash your hands whenever you enter or leave a public room, use any public surface, use the restroom, before and after you eat, and whenever you get any substance on your hands. In cases where you lack appropriate facilities, hand sanitizer will work until you get to a sink.
Sounds like a lot of work? It is. But it's a lot better than trying to force gatorade down a sad little preschooler as you're missing a much needed day of work.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Hat Juggling
No matter whether you're a parent or a teacher or a real-estate developer in the middle east, you're quite likely juggling a number of roles in your life. Currently, I'm juggling roles of wife, mother, teacher, employee, and learner. Each one of those roles has a subset within it as well, because each is a complex range of actions I perform and keep up with to ensure everything gets done. As a mom, I ensure my kids have the material items they need, nutritious meals, are bathed, do chores and homework, get love and affection, have down time and work time and play time. Of course that's a simplified version of what I do each day, but you get the idea.
Lately I'm feeling more like I'm juggling my head than my hats. I've got a lot on my proverbial plate and am starting to wonder again if I've gotten in too deep. You know the feeling where you didn't say no when you should have? Yeah, that's where I am.
I've personally been learning a lot about my own limits in the last year or so. I've learned that if I don't say no, the work will keep coming. I've also learned that it's up to me to decide where to draw the line, because otherwise the day will never be done. There will always be more laundry to do, more dishes to wash, more lessons to plan, more material to read. I am the only one who can determine when I've reached my maximum capacity.
I've also learned that if I overload, which I quite frequently do, I'm a miserable person to be around. I get anxious and moody and irritable, much like a stressed-out child. I'm prone to temper tantrums (the adult kind--you know, where you snap at your spouse or call your friend to complain or stomp off to your bedroom and kick your shoes off your feet). Most recently I've been learning that I do have a priority list. We all do, and I knew consciously I had one. But I didn't realize I had a subconscious one as well--one that includes things like playing with the dog and going shopping and making sure my children have school supplies and that the markers in the art center work. Why is this important? Because I've recently begun to understand that quite often, I'm the first person to be dropped from any and all priority lists, both conscious and subconscious. And sometimes, when I'm overloaded, I don't make it on a list at all.
A lot of adults, particularly women, struggle to put and keep themselves on the priority list. There's so many hats to juggle that it's easier some days (or months...or even years for some of us) to just toss our hat out of the equation. But at what cost? How can I give my children more when I'm completely drained? Just as importantly, what message am I sending my children about self-care and about life?
I am so pleased to know so many moms and dads who are better equipped to juggle their hats these days without overloading; parents who model appropriate choices and limits for their children. But for some of us, it's a regular struggle to figure out just how we'll get everything done. For a person like myself, it's hard for me to put myself into the hat-juggling ring knowing that it means I might have to juggle somebody else's hat a little less effectively for awhile.
But it's a good thing to remember...that our roles as individuals are as important as our roles as anything else.
Lately I'm feeling more like I'm juggling my head than my hats. I've got a lot on my proverbial plate and am starting to wonder again if I've gotten in too deep. You know the feeling where you didn't say no when you should have? Yeah, that's where I am.
I've personally been learning a lot about my own limits in the last year or so. I've learned that if I don't say no, the work will keep coming. I've also learned that it's up to me to decide where to draw the line, because otherwise the day will never be done. There will always be more laundry to do, more dishes to wash, more lessons to plan, more material to read. I am the only one who can determine when I've reached my maximum capacity.
I've also learned that if I overload, which I quite frequently do, I'm a miserable person to be around. I get anxious and moody and irritable, much like a stressed-out child. I'm prone to temper tantrums (the adult kind--you know, where you snap at your spouse or call your friend to complain or stomp off to your bedroom and kick your shoes off your feet). Most recently I've been learning that I do have a priority list. We all do, and I knew consciously I had one. But I didn't realize I had a subconscious one as well--one that includes things like playing with the dog and going shopping and making sure my children have school supplies and that the markers in the art center work. Why is this important? Because I've recently begun to understand that quite often, I'm the first person to be dropped from any and all priority lists, both conscious and subconscious. And sometimes, when I'm overloaded, I don't make it on a list at all.
A lot of adults, particularly women, struggle to put and keep themselves on the priority list. There's so many hats to juggle that it's easier some days (or months...or even years for some of us) to just toss our hat out of the equation. But at what cost? How can I give my children more when I'm completely drained? Just as importantly, what message am I sending my children about self-care and about life?
I am so pleased to know so many moms and dads who are better equipped to juggle their hats these days without overloading; parents who model appropriate choices and limits for their children. But for some of us, it's a regular struggle to figure out just how we'll get everything done. For a person like myself, it's hard for me to put myself into the hat-juggling ring knowing that it means I might have to juggle somebody else's hat a little less effectively for awhile.
But it's a good thing to remember...that our roles as individuals are as important as our roles as anything else.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Here Comes Trouble
I had a humbling experience today while teaching.
I've started a new job and have been there for roughly a month. I'm teaching preschoolers again and absolutely loving it. It's been thrilling to get back into the classroom and see the children engage with materials, watch them create and think and problem-solve. And it's been interesting for me to be the new kid on the block.
I was at my last job for ten years. Because I taught a multi-age group (children ages two to five), I had some children for up to three years. This enabled me to be a well-established teacher with both the children and their parents. Of course there were new children and families every year, but there were also children who were "old pros". So I haven't had a completely new class of children in ten years.
The biggest challenge as a new teacher is establishing yourself as a respected and respectful member of the classroom. The first couple of weeks found me making requests of children to clean up or to change their behavior, only to have them run from me or tell me no. This led to me reinforcing what I said, every day, until the children understood that yeah, that new lady is really gonna make us clean up!
In every class there are children who are more responsive (or more quickly responsive) than others. The slow responders are the ones who sometimes need a bit more attention, a bit more direction, a bit more rapport. I rather enjoy the challenge of building a trusting relationship with these children in particular, although every relationship with each child is unique and special.
Today, as we were playing outside, one of my slower responders was playing chase on the playground. "I got you!" he yelled as he pushed into another child, who fell down. I directed my slow responder (heretofore known as SR for slow responder) to help the other child up and ask if she was okay. He stood, with a frozen smile on his face, as the other child rose, dusted herself off, and ran away. As I moved toward him, SR took off running and I called him. He continued running until I said, "SR! You're not in trouble...I just want to talk with you." SR stopped and let me approach him and explain again that if he forgot to be gentle, he needed to help the other child and check on them.
As I spoke, SR's face remained frozen with that same smile. You know the one...the one that says, "Oh man...I'm gonna get it." His eyes darted to my face, then back to the playground several times. When I finished talking, his eyes met mine one more time, and then he shocked me.
SR threw his arms around me in a huge, tight hug.
So many times we turn tiny issues that are teachable moments into huge discipline issues. I could have easily lectured, given a logical consequence (you need to leave this area), punished (time out) or used a million other responses in this situation. The reality is that SRs--in general--tend to receive these types of responses far more than most children, because their slow compliance is seen as defiance. Is it defiance? Maybe. Had this SR and I had other confrontations? Yes. I knew he knew that I meant what I said. It was because we had experienced other confrontations that it was so important to give SR an opportunity to try again, to show him I trusted him.
Discipline is a difficult subject and a hard call in many situations. But this SR's response to me today reminded me of how much power adults have over children and how careful we must always be to use that power carefully, kindly, gently, to teach and to love. There's no trouble here. SR kept his hands to himself, interspersed with brief hugs with me for the rest of the day.
I think I made a friend. :-)
I've started a new job and have been there for roughly a month. I'm teaching preschoolers again and absolutely loving it. It's been thrilling to get back into the classroom and see the children engage with materials, watch them create and think and problem-solve. And it's been interesting for me to be the new kid on the block.
I was at my last job for ten years. Because I taught a multi-age group (children ages two to five), I had some children for up to three years. This enabled me to be a well-established teacher with both the children and their parents. Of course there were new children and families every year, but there were also children who were "old pros". So I haven't had a completely new class of children in ten years.
The biggest challenge as a new teacher is establishing yourself as a respected and respectful member of the classroom. The first couple of weeks found me making requests of children to clean up or to change their behavior, only to have them run from me or tell me no. This led to me reinforcing what I said, every day, until the children understood that yeah, that new lady is really gonna make us clean up!
In every class there are children who are more responsive (or more quickly responsive) than others. The slow responders are the ones who sometimes need a bit more attention, a bit more direction, a bit more rapport. I rather enjoy the challenge of building a trusting relationship with these children in particular, although every relationship with each child is unique and special.
Today, as we were playing outside, one of my slower responders was playing chase on the playground. "I got you!" he yelled as he pushed into another child, who fell down. I directed my slow responder (heretofore known as SR for slow responder) to help the other child up and ask if she was okay. He stood, with a frozen smile on his face, as the other child rose, dusted herself off, and ran away. As I moved toward him, SR took off running and I called him. He continued running until I said, "SR! You're not in trouble...I just want to talk with you." SR stopped and let me approach him and explain again that if he forgot to be gentle, he needed to help the other child and check on them.
As I spoke, SR's face remained frozen with that same smile. You know the one...the one that says, "Oh man...I'm gonna get it." His eyes darted to my face, then back to the playground several times. When I finished talking, his eyes met mine one more time, and then he shocked me.
SR threw his arms around me in a huge, tight hug.
So many times we turn tiny issues that are teachable moments into huge discipline issues. I could have easily lectured, given a logical consequence (you need to leave this area), punished (time out) or used a million other responses in this situation. The reality is that SRs--in general--tend to receive these types of responses far more than most children, because their slow compliance is seen as defiance. Is it defiance? Maybe. Had this SR and I had other confrontations? Yes. I knew he knew that I meant what I said. It was because we had experienced other confrontations that it was so important to give SR an opportunity to try again, to show him I trusted him.
Discipline is a difficult subject and a hard call in many situations. But this SR's response to me today reminded me of how much power adults have over children and how careful we must always be to use that power carefully, kindly, gently, to teach and to love. There's no trouble here. SR kept his hands to himself, interspersed with brief hugs with me for the rest of the day.
I think I made a friend. :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)