I was running errands today when I saw something that took me back many years ago and gave me pause to think.
I had gone to pick up my father and run him by the bank. Afterward, he wanted a cheeseburger, as I suppose most 73-year olds do (or he does, anyway), so we picked up a burger for him and headed over to drop off paperwork for my son to attend camp. The desk worker asked me to wait to speak to the camp leader, so I took a seat. Behind my seat was a window that looked into the nursery.
I love babies, probably more now than I ever have in my life. In the last few years, it has become clear that I most likely will never have a biological child. Both of my children were toddlers when they came to live with me, so I missed the whole baby time. I'm fascinated by these little people, from their size to their smiles to their wiggly, squirmy little selves. When I see my friends' children, I'm equally intrigued by how quickly they grow! They start out so tiny and helpless, and before you know it they're crawling and giggling and even saying a word or two.
So I settled on my bench and watched the one infant in the swing by the window. He wasn't particularly happy. He was squirmy and began to fuss a bit, and a worker came over and straightened his blanket, then pushed the swing again. Clearly unhappy that he was still in the swing, he began to protest louder, clenching his tiny hands into fists and waving his arms around.
I'm a forty-something woman with a master's degree in early childhood. I don't have a baby so I'm never tired of watching them, nor am I annoyed when they don't sleep when they should. I wanted desperately to go into the room and pick him up and comfort his cries, then find whatever it was he wanted to do.
The worker, however, is not a forty-something woman with no babies. She picked up the blanket, then laid it back over the entire baby, covering his head to his feet, and tucked it in to the sides of the swing, making it harder for the baby to move. Not only could he not move, he couldn't see either. The worker then sat down next to him and began kicking the swing with her foot. At that point I chose to look away. I had seen enough, and I was desperately close to saying something not so nice to the powers that be. Sensibility grabbed hold of me though--I needed my son to have this camp experience. Because of his needs, he needs to be in a structured camp program, and let's face it--the few spots that were left probably wouldn't go to the big mouth mother complaining about the way an infant was rocked.
Many years ago, I had worked for this same organization. I had privy to see some less than pleasant child care experiences, and the ones that stuck out most to me were in the infant room. Babies often were left to fall asleep in their lunches, put in swings for hours at a time, left to entertain themselves. Babies were left alone to "cry it out", even when there were more than enough hands available. The multiple staff members would be sitting and eating as babies cried, alone, in their cribs.
For the majority of my professional career I've been a "pick up the baby" type of person. I mean, the kid isn't going to roll over and pull a Stewie on you, asking if you could kindly come change his diaper. Babies have one way to communicate their discomfort, hurt, or fear, and that's through crying. So pick up the damn baby. Thank you. :-)
I'm not so rigid as to not recognize there are times that it isn't in the baby's best interest to be picked up. Sometimes, parents need more sleep and babies are old enough to make it through the night. Sometimes the baby is just a bit fussy and isn't really upset. And sometimes you just can't get there--something else is more important at that moment. But I always find myself cringing when I hear parents of young babies talking about "sleep training" and such. Huh? Are we in the infant military or something? Is there some need for your baby to rise and shine at six a.m. and that can only be accomplished through sleep training? I don't get it. It seems like one of those things that as parents we make into mountains, when they're really molehills.
As for the situation with the baby and the worker--after giving it several hours to mull around in my head, I decided to call and report it. The young woman who talked with me was very pleasant and listened to my concern. Will it change? I don't know. But maybe if the worker is educated about other ways to calm a baby, she'll do better. Most of us, when educated about better ways, do better. That was the purpose of my phone call--to encourage the organization to educate their caregivers about how to work with infants. And who knows? Maybe they will.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Quality Preschools
A friend of mine was lamenting her job just yesterday. She's a preschool teacher and has found herself in a common situation--hired to teach in a preschool where the director seems to have a poor understanding of child development. For educators, this is a nightmare. If you're a teacher, you need enough room to teach and air to breathe. When you've got other people breathing down your neck and they're not even espousing reasonable expectations, it's very difficult to feel like you can be an effective teacher.
So what's a parent to do? In my opinion, parents don't have to have a degree in early childhood education, but they do need to understand the following:
1. Teachers who hold a bachelor's degree in early childhood education are trained to teach children from birth through age eight, just as english teachers are trained in english and math teachers are trained in math. We have taken multiple classes that specialize in early childhood development and prepare us for the classroom.
2. Teachers who are in preschools aren't there because they cannot get a job in public school. They are there, almost always, because they have a passion for working with young children.
3. Children sometimes behave differently at home and at school.
4. Although your child's teacher may be excellent, it does not absolve a parent's responsibility for being involved in his or her child's development and education.
Often, parents don't really know what to look for in a quality preschool, and so they fall back on the expectations that they remember from their childhoods mixed with a bit of what they've heard from other parents or in the news. Usually this comes across as expecting children to learn to listen to teachers, learn the alphabet and their numbers, and write their names. None of these are actually the sign of a good preschool.
Quality preschools focus on developmentally appropriate practices. These are practices in the classroom that meet the developmental needs of a child. For instance, it is very common for two year olds to practice how to wash their hands appropriately. Four year olds may be learning some basic patterns or letter sounds. Infants are being nurtured and having their needs met in a timely manner.
Quality preschools have a warm, comforting feel about them. Classrooms resemble the home environment and should have a "pleasant buzz of activity". Children should be moving freely around the room during free choice time. Teachers are pleasant, classroom rules are clear to each child, and the children helped make the rules. The classroom is shared by all children as well as the teacher and is referred to as "ours", not "mine". There is a balance of children being able to choose activities and activities being chosen by the teacher. Children are respected by teachers and are encouraged to work out their problems with one another rather than being punished. There should be a wide variety of activities to choose from, and children are appropriately supervised.
Some teachers may debate this, but I am a firm believer that the primary purpose of preschool experiences should be socialization. When children have had practice working with other children prior to kindergarten, they tend to do better when entering school. They understand how to wait for a turn, how to ask for help, and how to work with a partner. These are all critical skills in our public schools today. Even if you choose to pursue a more academic type setting for your preschooler, it is imperative that the children are given plenty of time each day to play together and make their own choices.
I also believe it is critical for parents to share the same values as the philosophy of their child's preschool. If your child's preschool stresses academic structure but you're more of a play-to-learn type of parent, it won't be a good fit; neither will a child-centered preschool work for a parent whose expectations are worksheets and lots of papers.
Obviously, parents can't be in a preschool center every day, nor are most parents as knowledgeable about what good childcare looks like. To assist, there are national organizations that provide accreditation for childcare centers. Accreditation is an optional process but generally indicates a higher level of quality interactions and care. In addition, each center (with the exception of centers run by churches) must be licensed by your state. Licensing requirements vary state to state, but generally this information is available online, as well as recent licensing reports for all licensed centers. Many states are going to a leveled licensing center, to give parents more information about the quality of a center; generally the higher the level that a center achieves, the higher quality it is. If for whatever reason you are unable to find the information online, most states require centers to share licensing reports with parents. You only need to ask your director, and s/he should be able to furnish you with the latest report.
So, you parents may be asking, what's MY job in all this?
First and foremost, your job is to communicate clearly with the staff about your child. It's always better to give too much information than not enough. Your mention that your child didn't sleep last night helps your child's teacher understand his or her behavior today. Letting the teacher know you're potty training at home is critical--children are most successful when they are trained in all situations at the same time. Even your loving mother-in-law's visit may throw your child off his or her regular routine.
Next, it is a parent's responsibility to supply what the provider asks for. Most children have a supply list they need for preschool or childcare. This usually includes a change of clothing. This is incredibly handy not only for potty accidents, but also if your child gets too wet in the sensory table, spills juice by accident, or is covered in...something! If you supply diapering supplies, check them regularly and ALWAYS send a couple more than you think your child will need. Better safe than sorry!
Third, parents are responsible for reading the information that comes home with your child. Yes, I know it's a pain in the butt. But--and this is SUPER important for busy moms and dads--it helps to keep you in the loop as to what your child is doing. If you ask your child, you will probably have this conversation:
You: Honey, what did you do today in school?
Child: Played.
You: What did you play?
Child: I dunno.
You: Well, who did you play with?
Child: My friends.
You: What are their names?
Child: I dunno.
That's given that your child doesn't answer the first question with "I don't know". All those papers we teachers send home to you are for your benefit as well as mine. We try to keep things clear and keep you up to date on what we're doing.
Finally, and I can't stress this one enough, parents are responsible for ongoing monitoring of their children's day-to-day care at the facility, and bringing concerns to the appropriate person. You are NOT required to give notice before you stop by to see your child. As a parent, I often swung by at lunch time to see my children, or even to just peek in on them. If you have a child who will become upset if s/he sees you, don't plan on making your presence known. Even if you hang by the front desk, you can generally tell if the center is a stressful place to be or a comfortable one. Laughter and calm voices indicates a good place. Screaming children and teachers does not.
So the bottom line of what to look for?
1. A clean and well-maintained center with enough for children to do.
2. Respectful, communicative staff;
3. Values that you share and respect;
4. Ideally, an accredited center.
In the last post that I wrote, I made some large generalizations and was rightfully called to the carpet for it. Childcare is incredibly expensive. Because of cost, many parents look for shortcuts to lower their childcare costs. I am no more immune to this than anyone else. When my children were in after school childcare, I was forced to evaluate the cost versus quality of their care. I was not happy with what I was seeing when I picked my children up; nor was I happy with what I was paying. Fortunately, I was able to juggle my hours a bit so that we could avoid the after school care altogether. This post isn't supposed to be about saving a few bucks, but here's a bit of advice: in all honesty, most of the time, you get what you pay for. So if you find the caregiver who's charging fifty bucks a week and will keep your child 24 hours a day, you might need to be a little skeptical and watch closely. My advice? Consider developing a babysitting co-op, or hire one babysitter to watch two families' children and pay the sitter a bit more than usual. If the average cost of a babysitter per week in your area is a hundred dollars, consider having a friend's children join yours, pay your babysitter $150, and you both still save $25 a week.
Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome, and pass the link on to your friends!
So what's a parent to do? In my opinion, parents don't have to have a degree in early childhood education, but they do need to understand the following:
1. Teachers who hold a bachelor's degree in early childhood education are trained to teach children from birth through age eight, just as english teachers are trained in english and math teachers are trained in math. We have taken multiple classes that specialize in early childhood development and prepare us for the classroom.
2. Teachers who are in preschools aren't there because they cannot get a job in public school. They are there, almost always, because they have a passion for working with young children.
3. Children sometimes behave differently at home and at school.
4. Although your child's teacher may be excellent, it does not absolve a parent's responsibility for being involved in his or her child's development and education.
Often, parents don't really know what to look for in a quality preschool, and so they fall back on the expectations that they remember from their childhoods mixed with a bit of what they've heard from other parents or in the news. Usually this comes across as expecting children to learn to listen to teachers, learn the alphabet and their numbers, and write their names. None of these are actually the sign of a good preschool.
Quality preschools focus on developmentally appropriate practices. These are practices in the classroom that meet the developmental needs of a child. For instance, it is very common for two year olds to practice how to wash their hands appropriately. Four year olds may be learning some basic patterns or letter sounds. Infants are being nurtured and having their needs met in a timely manner.
Quality preschools have a warm, comforting feel about them. Classrooms resemble the home environment and should have a "pleasant buzz of activity". Children should be moving freely around the room during free choice time. Teachers are pleasant, classroom rules are clear to each child, and the children helped make the rules. The classroom is shared by all children as well as the teacher and is referred to as "ours", not "mine". There is a balance of children being able to choose activities and activities being chosen by the teacher. Children are respected by teachers and are encouraged to work out their problems with one another rather than being punished. There should be a wide variety of activities to choose from, and children are appropriately supervised.
Some teachers may debate this, but I am a firm believer that the primary purpose of preschool experiences should be socialization. When children have had practice working with other children prior to kindergarten, they tend to do better when entering school. They understand how to wait for a turn, how to ask for help, and how to work with a partner. These are all critical skills in our public schools today. Even if you choose to pursue a more academic type setting for your preschooler, it is imperative that the children are given plenty of time each day to play together and make their own choices.
I also believe it is critical for parents to share the same values as the philosophy of their child's preschool. If your child's preschool stresses academic structure but you're more of a play-to-learn type of parent, it won't be a good fit; neither will a child-centered preschool work for a parent whose expectations are worksheets and lots of papers.
Obviously, parents can't be in a preschool center every day, nor are most parents as knowledgeable about what good childcare looks like. To assist, there are national organizations that provide accreditation for childcare centers. Accreditation is an optional process but generally indicates a higher level of quality interactions and care. In addition, each center (with the exception of centers run by churches) must be licensed by your state. Licensing requirements vary state to state, but generally this information is available online, as well as recent licensing reports for all licensed centers. Many states are going to a leveled licensing center, to give parents more information about the quality of a center; generally the higher the level that a center achieves, the higher quality it is. If for whatever reason you are unable to find the information online, most states require centers to share licensing reports with parents. You only need to ask your director, and s/he should be able to furnish you with the latest report.
So, you parents may be asking, what's MY job in all this?
First and foremost, your job is to communicate clearly with the staff about your child. It's always better to give too much information than not enough. Your mention that your child didn't sleep last night helps your child's teacher understand his or her behavior today. Letting the teacher know you're potty training at home is critical--children are most successful when they are trained in all situations at the same time. Even your loving mother-in-law's visit may throw your child off his or her regular routine.
Next, it is a parent's responsibility to supply what the provider asks for. Most children have a supply list they need for preschool or childcare. This usually includes a change of clothing. This is incredibly handy not only for potty accidents, but also if your child gets too wet in the sensory table, spills juice by accident, or is covered in...something! If you supply diapering supplies, check them regularly and ALWAYS send a couple more than you think your child will need. Better safe than sorry!
Third, parents are responsible for reading the information that comes home with your child. Yes, I know it's a pain in the butt. But--and this is SUPER important for busy moms and dads--it helps to keep you in the loop as to what your child is doing. If you ask your child, you will probably have this conversation:
You: Honey, what did you do today in school?
Child: Played.
You: What did you play?
Child: I dunno.
You: Well, who did you play with?
Child: My friends.
You: What are their names?
Child: I dunno.
That's given that your child doesn't answer the first question with "I don't know". All those papers we teachers send home to you are for your benefit as well as mine. We try to keep things clear and keep you up to date on what we're doing.
Finally, and I can't stress this one enough, parents are responsible for ongoing monitoring of their children's day-to-day care at the facility, and bringing concerns to the appropriate person. You are NOT required to give notice before you stop by to see your child. As a parent, I often swung by at lunch time to see my children, or even to just peek in on them. If you have a child who will become upset if s/he sees you, don't plan on making your presence known. Even if you hang by the front desk, you can generally tell if the center is a stressful place to be or a comfortable one. Laughter and calm voices indicates a good place. Screaming children and teachers does not.
So the bottom line of what to look for?
1. A clean and well-maintained center with enough for children to do.
2. Respectful, communicative staff;
3. Values that you share and respect;
4. Ideally, an accredited center.
In the last post that I wrote, I made some large generalizations and was rightfully called to the carpet for it. Childcare is incredibly expensive. Because of cost, many parents look for shortcuts to lower their childcare costs. I am no more immune to this than anyone else. When my children were in after school childcare, I was forced to evaluate the cost versus quality of their care. I was not happy with what I was seeing when I picked my children up; nor was I happy with what I was paying. Fortunately, I was able to juggle my hours a bit so that we could avoid the after school care altogether. This post isn't supposed to be about saving a few bucks, but here's a bit of advice: in all honesty, most of the time, you get what you pay for. So if you find the caregiver who's charging fifty bucks a week and will keep your child 24 hours a day, you might need to be a little skeptical and watch closely. My advice? Consider developing a babysitting co-op, or hire one babysitter to watch two families' children and pay the sitter a bit more than usual. If the average cost of a babysitter per week in your area is a hundred dollars, consider having a friend's children join yours, pay your babysitter $150, and you both still save $25 a week.
Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome, and pass the link on to your friends!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
And We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Post...
Okay, so I know that for those of you who regularly (or semi-regularly) read this blog I had promised to write about choosing quality childcare. I still think this is an absolutely critical subject and will be happy to write about it, but not today.
It is currently 3:33 a.m. and I am having a bout of sleeplessness. I am not employed currently, with it being summer and school out and all, so I have been looking for a good babysitting/nanny type thing to do to keep me busy and bring in a little extra money. In fact, it was this search that made me start writing about the whole quality childcare issue, because I saw so many parents posting on babysitting sites about needing a sitter TONIGHT. Huh? I have always considered myself an overprotective mother so maybe it's my Mama Bear coming out of its cage, but who in their right mind hires a babysitter the DAY THAT YOU NEED ONE? And you're hiring somebody off a babysitting board? HUH?
But I digress. There is another phenomenon out there that is just as shocking to me, and I'm willing to take the flack for it because I know this is incredibly un-PC to talk about. But I find myself shocked and even a bit disgusted at the number of parents willing to leave their babies with a caregiver for ten or twelve hours a day. Some of these infants are only two weeks old. Some of these parents want to pay fifty or sixty dollars a week. Let's see...ten hours a day times five days a week divided by fifty equals...one dollar an hour. To care for your CHILD.
This isn't the time to be thrifty, folks. I do understand there are some parents who absolutely must work to stay afloat. But I also know there are some parents who willingly choose to have the larger house, the more expensive cars, the incredible vacations, because a two-parent income will allow them that, especially if they can get by paying a low wage for their childcare provider. I also understand that some women would go nuts if they had to stay home all day, as would some men. But if that's the case, is there a reason you can't hire a babysitter part time for a decent wage and work part time, or better yet...volunteer for your community???
Here are my issues with this situation:
1. If you don't like babies, or children in general, why have them? There are excellent birth control methods on the market, and there's this thing called adoption, too. It may sound cold, but being a woman who is unable to conceive myself, I would have welcomed the opportunity to raise a healthy baby.
2. How in the world do you expect to get to know a person who spends the majority of his or her time with you while s/he's sleeping?
3. Since when did a big house signify excellence in parenting? Has anyone seen The Real Housewives? Come on, people. Stuff is just stuff, and is no sort of measure of anything, except one's ability to acquire it.
4. Speaking of Real Housewives and parents who just don't think they could handle being at home with their children, there are excellent parenting courses out there to help you manage your concerns and fears.
5. When you look back on your life do you really think you'd regret having spent more time with your children? Most people don't die saying, "I really wish I had finished that budgetary report in 2010."
Yes, in case you haven't figured it out I am a huge proponent for children being raised by, well, their parents. Parents who choose to have another person raise their children have no room to complain about nannies imparting different values to children, nor do they have a leg to stand on when their child cries for the nanny.
You conceived them. You wanted them. Please have enough long-term thinking to realize you'remaking a lifetime commitment.
Alcoholics Anonymous has a wonderful saying. Once you have gotten sober, get a plant. If the plant is still alive in one year, get a pet. If the pet is still alive in one year, get a significant other. I don't know where children fall in that, but I would imagine it falls much after the significant other.
People die every day with regrets of not spending enough time with loved ones. Don't be that person.
It is currently 3:33 a.m. and I am having a bout of sleeplessness. I am not employed currently, with it being summer and school out and all, so I have been looking for a good babysitting/nanny type thing to do to keep me busy and bring in a little extra money. In fact, it was this search that made me start writing about the whole quality childcare issue, because I saw so many parents posting on babysitting sites about needing a sitter TONIGHT. Huh? I have always considered myself an overprotective mother so maybe it's my Mama Bear coming out of its cage, but who in their right mind hires a babysitter the DAY THAT YOU NEED ONE? And you're hiring somebody off a babysitting board? HUH?
But I digress. There is another phenomenon out there that is just as shocking to me, and I'm willing to take the flack for it because I know this is incredibly un-PC to talk about. But I find myself shocked and even a bit disgusted at the number of parents willing to leave their babies with a caregiver for ten or twelve hours a day. Some of these infants are only two weeks old. Some of these parents want to pay fifty or sixty dollars a week. Let's see...ten hours a day times five days a week divided by fifty equals...one dollar an hour. To care for your CHILD.
This isn't the time to be thrifty, folks. I do understand there are some parents who absolutely must work to stay afloat. But I also know there are some parents who willingly choose to have the larger house, the more expensive cars, the incredible vacations, because a two-parent income will allow them that, especially if they can get by paying a low wage for their childcare provider. I also understand that some women would go nuts if they had to stay home all day, as would some men. But if that's the case, is there a reason you can't hire a babysitter part time for a decent wage and work part time, or better yet...volunteer for your community???
Here are my issues with this situation:
1. If you don't like babies, or children in general, why have them? There are excellent birth control methods on the market, and there's this thing called adoption, too. It may sound cold, but being a woman who is unable to conceive myself, I would have welcomed the opportunity to raise a healthy baby.
2. How in the world do you expect to get to know a person who spends the majority of his or her time with you while s/he's sleeping?
3. Since when did a big house signify excellence in parenting? Has anyone seen The Real Housewives? Come on, people. Stuff is just stuff, and is no sort of measure of anything, except one's ability to acquire it.
4. Speaking of Real Housewives and parents who just don't think they could handle being at home with their children, there are excellent parenting courses out there to help you manage your concerns and fears.
5. When you look back on your life do you really think you'd regret having spent more time with your children? Most people don't die saying, "I really wish I had finished that budgetary report in 2010."
Yes, in case you haven't figured it out I am a huge proponent for children being raised by, well, their parents. Parents who choose to have another person raise their children have no room to complain about nannies imparting different values to children, nor do they have a leg to stand on when their child cries for the nanny.
You conceived them. You wanted them. Please have enough long-term thinking to realize you'remaking a lifetime commitment.
Alcoholics Anonymous has a wonderful saying. Once you have gotten sober, get a plant. If the plant is still alive in one year, get a pet. If the pet is still alive in one year, get a significant other. I don't know where children fall in that, but I would imagine it falls much after the significant other.
People die every day with regrets of not spending enough time with loved ones. Don't be that person.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Choosing Quality Childcare
I've had this topic on my mind quite a bit lately. I've been perusing some babysitting ads as well as ads for in-home childcares. One of the things that has completely shocked me is the number of people who will post that they need a babysitter on the day they need one. Apparently, they have imminent faith in the world and its people. Call me a skeptic, but I've been around the block enough times to know that quality care--whether it's for full-time care or just a few hours--is not that easy to come by.
As a parent, I have a responsibility to leave my children with people who are capable of caring for them appropriately and have given no reason for a person to have doubts about their characters. I often wonder if parents are aware of what makes a quality caregiver, what expectations they should have, and how much they need to pay. The reality is that if you're paying for in-home childcare and your provider is charging very little, you're not getting a great deal--you're getting a trade off. You are paying less money and in exchange your child is getting lower quality care.
Choosing quality childcare is not something that I can possibly sum up in one post, so I'll probably be working on this topic for awhile. There are a lot of different issues that parents need to be aware of when choosing the right care for their child. Studies have shown that the average American parent spends more time picking out a new car than he or she spends picking out childcare. If posts on babysitting service sites are of any indication, those studies are right.
When I was a kid, we had a babysitter every Saturday night and she was always in her teens. These days, I would be hesitant to leave my child with a teenager unless I knew the teenager was exceedingly responsible, my child was fairly predictable and responsible, I would only be gone for a short amount of time, and the teen's parents were home and lived nearby. The world is different today than it was thirty or forty years ago. Most states have extremely fuzzy laws surrounding the issue of how old a child needs to be before being left alone or in charge of younger children. Generally, laws state that a child is considered old enough to watch other children in the home if they are responsible enough to ensure everyone's safety. I think that's a really dangerous standard; it's basically leaving the decision up to the parents until something goes wrong. Then all sorts of problems, including legal ones, can ensue.
For me, there were some absolutes in choosing a sitter:
*I had to know the person well. Most of my children's sitters were previous students of mine, or other college-aged young women. When I interviewed a person I wasn't familiar with to care for my child, I got references and checked them. I also had every sitter come by and meet my children at my home. This enabled the sitter to get a "lay of the land", so to speak, and for my children to feel a bit more comfortable around the sitter.
*The person had to be trained in Infant/Child CPR and basic First Aid. This is something that has grown increasingly common, but parents don't always ask or check for updated training. If I really liked a sitter, I could always give him or her time to obtain training.
*The person had to have some knowledge about children. Whether it was education or experience, I wanted to know that whoever was with my children knew in general what to expect of kids their age. This also helps to ensure the person knows how much they need to supervise in different situations.
*The person had to be an excellent communicator. Call me a helicopter mom, but I do expect sitters to communicate how the evening went as a whole. I like to know what my kids are doing, and if there were any concerns or problems.
Parents have certain responsibilities to a sitter as well, starting with-
*Clear communication. Caregivers need to know your expectations, the children's schedule, any health issues the children may have, where and how you can be reached, and what time you should be home. I always provided a written note that contained all the information above so the caregiver could refer to it whenever needed.
*Checking in. I think it's a good idea to check in with all caregivers, regardless of the situation. With sitters, I tried to call about halfway through the evening to see how things were going. Be sensitive to your sitter as well; try not to call when she might be helping your children brush their teeth or get in bed.
*Pay a decent wage. It's only babysitting, right? To some extent, yes. But if you're hiring a college student who has experience working with children, pay him or her the going rate or better in your area. Eight years ago that was about $7 an hour in our neck of the woods. Now it's about $10. If you have a good sitter, treat him or her well. Sometimes it's honestly hard to pay as much as you wish you could, so make an effort to appreciate him or her in other ways. Return by the time you say you will, and pay for the time you agreed upon. Make sure there is something decent for him or her to eat if s/he's there during mealtime. Don't add extra duties like feeding the dog or cleaning the kitchen if you can avoid it. And remember your sitter during the holidays, even if it's only with a tiny momento.
So those are the basic expectations for both sides. Quality care is not going to present itself without a bit of time and effort on parents' parts. Know what you're looking for and what you should be doing to make it happen. Your kids will thank you (one day...promise!).
As a parent, I have a responsibility to leave my children with people who are capable of caring for them appropriately and have given no reason for a person to have doubts about their characters. I often wonder if parents are aware of what makes a quality caregiver, what expectations they should have, and how much they need to pay. The reality is that if you're paying for in-home childcare and your provider is charging very little, you're not getting a great deal--you're getting a trade off. You are paying less money and in exchange your child is getting lower quality care.
Choosing quality childcare is not something that I can possibly sum up in one post, so I'll probably be working on this topic for awhile. There are a lot of different issues that parents need to be aware of when choosing the right care for their child. Studies have shown that the average American parent spends more time picking out a new car than he or she spends picking out childcare. If posts on babysitting service sites are of any indication, those studies are right.
When I was a kid, we had a babysitter every Saturday night and she was always in her teens. These days, I would be hesitant to leave my child with a teenager unless I knew the teenager was exceedingly responsible, my child was fairly predictable and responsible, I would only be gone for a short amount of time, and the teen's parents were home and lived nearby. The world is different today than it was thirty or forty years ago. Most states have extremely fuzzy laws surrounding the issue of how old a child needs to be before being left alone or in charge of younger children. Generally, laws state that a child is considered old enough to watch other children in the home if they are responsible enough to ensure everyone's safety. I think that's a really dangerous standard; it's basically leaving the decision up to the parents until something goes wrong. Then all sorts of problems, including legal ones, can ensue.
For me, there were some absolutes in choosing a sitter:
*I had to know the person well. Most of my children's sitters were previous students of mine, or other college-aged young women. When I interviewed a person I wasn't familiar with to care for my child, I got references and checked them. I also had every sitter come by and meet my children at my home. This enabled the sitter to get a "lay of the land", so to speak, and for my children to feel a bit more comfortable around the sitter.
*The person had to be trained in Infant/Child CPR and basic First Aid. This is something that has grown increasingly common, but parents don't always ask or check for updated training. If I really liked a sitter, I could always give him or her time to obtain training.
*The person had to have some knowledge about children. Whether it was education or experience, I wanted to know that whoever was with my children knew in general what to expect of kids their age. This also helps to ensure the person knows how much they need to supervise in different situations.
*The person had to be an excellent communicator. Call me a helicopter mom, but I do expect sitters to communicate how the evening went as a whole. I like to know what my kids are doing, and if there were any concerns or problems.
Parents have certain responsibilities to a sitter as well, starting with-
*Clear communication. Caregivers need to know your expectations, the children's schedule, any health issues the children may have, where and how you can be reached, and what time you should be home. I always provided a written note that contained all the information above so the caregiver could refer to it whenever needed.
*Checking in. I think it's a good idea to check in with all caregivers, regardless of the situation. With sitters, I tried to call about halfway through the evening to see how things were going. Be sensitive to your sitter as well; try not to call when she might be helping your children brush their teeth or get in bed.
*Pay a decent wage. It's only babysitting, right? To some extent, yes. But if you're hiring a college student who has experience working with children, pay him or her the going rate or better in your area. Eight years ago that was about $7 an hour in our neck of the woods. Now it's about $10. If you have a good sitter, treat him or her well. Sometimes it's honestly hard to pay as much as you wish you could, so make an effort to appreciate him or her in other ways. Return by the time you say you will, and pay for the time you agreed upon. Make sure there is something decent for him or her to eat if s/he's there during mealtime. Don't add extra duties like feeding the dog or cleaning the kitchen if you can avoid it. And remember your sitter during the holidays, even if it's only with a tiny momento.
So those are the basic expectations for both sides. Quality care is not going to present itself without a bit of time and effort on parents' parts. Know what you're looking for and what you should be doing to make it happen. Your kids will thank you (one day...promise!).
Sunday, May 8, 2011
On Being A Mother
I didn't become a mother in the traditional way. I became a mom through somebody else's tragedy, through two children's trauma. I became a mother because a judge deemed it to be in the best interest of two children.
When my son was still very young and referred to me by my first name, I explained it to him this way: that he would always have his momma, but I was there to do the "momma job" until his mother was able to do it.
That was ten years ago.
Being a mother isn't as natural as books make it out to be. Even literature I read about children who have come from traumatic circumstances end up being happy and well-adjusted. The truth is that this mothering thing is something that a lot of us grow into. In my case, one day I had no children, and the next day I had two. And the happy ending part? I don't know about that. All I know is that we try and rejoice in the good times and learn from our mistakes.
These children didn't come with clothes or toys, and they definitely didn't come with directions. Directions for kids who have been through trauma would have been particularly helpful, but no--there were none. For some reason I expected myself, being an educated woman who had worked with children for years, to know what to do. I was shocked and embarrassed that I didn't.
But as with most things, I followed my instinct and, in combinations with a decent support system and experts who did know what they were doing, I grew into a mother.
My definition of a mother is probably a little different than yours, but here it is.
A mother is someone who loves you no matter what you do or say. Even when you've said the worst things possible or even hit her, she still comes back to love you.
A mother listens to the same story over and over, because she knows you need to tell it to understand how it could possibly happen.
A mother knows that you will never understand how that story could have possibly happened, because there is no rhyme or reason to why some people do what they do to children.
A mother goes to your soccer games and screams for your team even when you tell her she's embarrassing you.
A mother plays with your stuffed toys with you, makes up songs about you, and sings them every night before bed.
A mother tells you you're perfect and believes it.
A mother is capable of the gentlest hugs and kisses, and the fiercest fights to defend her children.
A mother insists you clean your room, brush your teeth, and that you know how to wash clothes and cook simple meals so you don't stink or starve when you head off to college in about eight years.
A mother is aware of the precious time that is ticking off the clock before she has to share you with the world.
A mother cries when you get a perfect attendance award, and laughs when you tell the worst knock knock joke she's ever heard.
A mother listens to your dreams and believes they can come true.
A mother accepts that one day she won't be the most important woman in your life anymore, and graciously takes her seat toward the back of your bus.
Happy mother's day to every person out there who is doing a momma's job. You may not have the title of mother, but you're definitely filling her shoes.
When my son was still very young and referred to me by my first name, I explained it to him this way: that he would always have his momma, but I was there to do the "momma job" until his mother was able to do it.
That was ten years ago.
Being a mother isn't as natural as books make it out to be. Even literature I read about children who have come from traumatic circumstances end up being happy and well-adjusted. The truth is that this mothering thing is something that a lot of us grow into. In my case, one day I had no children, and the next day I had two. And the happy ending part? I don't know about that. All I know is that we try and rejoice in the good times and learn from our mistakes.
These children didn't come with clothes or toys, and they definitely didn't come with directions. Directions for kids who have been through trauma would have been particularly helpful, but no--there were none. For some reason I expected myself, being an educated woman who had worked with children for years, to know what to do. I was shocked and embarrassed that I didn't.
But as with most things, I followed my instinct and, in combinations with a decent support system and experts who did know what they were doing, I grew into a mother.
My definition of a mother is probably a little different than yours, but here it is.
A mother is someone who loves you no matter what you do or say. Even when you've said the worst things possible or even hit her, she still comes back to love you.
A mother listens to the same story over and over, because she knows you need to tell it to understand how it could possibly happen.
A mother knows that you will never understand how that story could have possibly happened, because there is no rhyme or reason to why some people do what they do to children.
A mother goes to your soccer games and screams for your team even when you tell her she's embarrassing you.
A mother plays with your stuffed toys with you, makes up songs about you, and sings them every night before bed.
A mother tells you you're perfect and believes it.
A mother is capable of the gentlest hugs and kisses, and the fiercest fights to defend her children.
A mother insists you clean your room, brush your teeth, and that you know how to wash clothes and cook simple meals so you don't stink or starve when you head off to college in about eight years.
A mother is aware of the precious time that is ticking off the clock before she has to share you with the world.
A mother cries when you get a perfect attendance award, and laughs when you tell the worst knock knock joke she's ever heard.
A mother listens to your dreams and believes they can come true.
A mother accepts that one day she won't be the most important woman in your life anymore, and graciously takes her seat toward the back of your bus.
Happy mother's day to every person out there who is doing a momma's job. You may not have the title of mother, but you're definitely filling her shoes.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Mothers and Children
Some of my best blog ideas come from Facebook. I have wonderful friends that I keep up with regularly courtesy of the amazing technology we all share these days. One of my friends posted, in honor of mother's day, how she felt the need to give her children a present for how they have impacted her life. My first reaction was, "My kids get way too many presents as it is!" But as I thought about the sentiment, I had several things run through my mind.
First, my children happened upon me accidentally, and I upon them. Born to another woman, my husband's relative, none of us could have ever imagined that our stars would one day collide. My husband and I had a long term relationship for a few years before he moved to be closer to me and we eventually married. We both wanted a child, and I had very firm ideas about how that plan was going to go. I was going to marry at twenty-five, have one child--preferably a girl--at thirty, and continue in my happy little life, raising my daughter and spoiling her rotten. She would occasionally challenge me, but because she would be so reasonable, a quick time-out (clearing my throat) would take care of that. She would always love me and wrap her chubby little arms around my neck. We would be the best of friends, and she would be beautiful and successful and amazing.
I've never quite given up on this fantasy, despite the fact that I am in my early forties and would be a high risk pregnancy. As I've grown older, there are aspects of mothering that I feel I missed out on--particularly pregnancy and having an infant around. But I also know myself well enough to know that having an infant now would be incredibly hard. And I have two other children who need me.
We tend to think, as parents, that as children grow older they need us less. This has not been my experience. Although my son, at fourteen, has formed his own friendships and even dates occasionally, he still needs the approval and love of his mom. My daughter is twelve and still asks for us to spend a day together, just the two of us, from time to time. I'm not naive enough to believe she will always put me first (in fact, there have already been several times she's chosen hanging with friends over doing something special with me), but when it comes down to it, I know that my love and acceptance is critical to her self-esteem. And I think she's pretty awesome. Both of my kids are wonderful people, and I love them with my whole heart.
When I first became a mom, I had very little time to prepare. There wasn't any nine month gestational period. There were no baby showers, no extended family to help so I could catch up on sleep or run errands. But somehow we made it work.
I can honestly say that my kids have been two of my greatest teachers in life. I have learned more from my experiences with them than through any other experience I've ever had. I've learned that I have limits I didn't know I had, and that I have the capacity to give far more than I thought I did. And I've learned that I can love in a way I never imagined or thought possible.
My facebook friend was adopted as an infant, and it's ironic that I find myself in the position her parents were in, and she in the position my children are. I'm sure she gave up any doubts long ago about her parents' love and adoration, but I would like to say this to her, and to all people who grew up in less than traditional households: Almost all parents love their children unconditionally. I did not welcome these children into my life because I thought I was some sort of incredible mother. I took care of two children who needed love, caring, and nurturing at that moment. True mothers aren't defined by their ability to give birth, buy presents, or sharing genetic links. True motherhood is defined by the willingness to put another person's needs in front of your own, to meet the needs of another person's over your own, to risk heartbreak for the chance of giving a child happiness. Every child deserves those experiences, and when a mother is able to give those to her child, her rewards are multiplied a thousand times over.
My children are loved, as are my facebook friend's children. We both are blessed by these ever-changing young people, and neither of us would have it any other way. Mothering is a gift in itself, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have these two children who bless my world in so many ways. And to my friend--I know her parents felt the same. It was in the way they looked at her, the way they tried their best to parent her, the way they loved her. Lucky, we are, to be children. And lucky, so lucky, to be mothers.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Appreciate Your Teachers
It always struck me as ironic that Teacher Appreciation Week usually fell on the last week of preschool when I taught at the lab school. It's been my experience that most parents don't even know it's teacher appreciation week or else are so busy that they fail to take the time to let teachers know they really are appreciated.
Last night I got a wonderful surprise. This has been a year of ups and downs for me both personally and professionally, and I have been challenged to do and try new things and let some old things go. But one of my former students publicly thanked me on facebook for the work I did with her.
I take my job very seriously, whether I'm teaching a two-year old or a thirty-two year old. The goals may be different as is the curriculum, but my responsibilities remain the same: to teach the student the required curriculum to the best of my ability. A teacher's job doesn't end at the end of class. That's when a teacher's job is just beginning. After the student has left, a teacher is reflecting on the interactions in class, pondering how to better challenge her students, thinking of ways to make the curriculum more interesting and most of all, more meaningful. Planning for the next class takes as much or more time than the actual class itself.
It's always kind of given me a giggle that my degree is a Master's degree of Science in Early Childhood Education. Science, huh? There are a lot of logical and analytical properties that go into teaching--being able to observe and examine which strategies work best and utilize them to bring out the best in each student. Being able to manage time, communicate clearly, and understand one's subject matter all lend themselves to the science behind teaching.
But as every teacher knows, true teaching is an art, an ability to get inside of another person's thinking and coax out the best in him or her; to make the subject matter meaningful in different ways to different people, and to exercise the art of encouraging the learner to create their own constructs of the subject matter. Like any good artist, teachers must be willing to take the time to allow students to develop in their thinking and grow their own ideas. The art of teaching is much like watching a great painting being constructed before you. The student learns the basic lines and patterns, then begins to fill in the blanks with their interpretations of information they are responding to. And if done correctly, no two pieces of artwork are the same. Neither are any two teachers. Although they are all working with the same brushes and paints and lines and dots; they are creating their own ideas and belief systems. Great teachers understand the need for this constructive process and provide students with not only the tools but the belief that they can indeed construct something valuable.
I have had many teachers who have helped me construct my ideas about teaching and learning. Some of those teachers were highly gifted and some never understood that teaching is a dance between the teacher and the learner. Regardless, they all impacted me in different ways. As I have grown in my understanding of what teaching and learning is, my definition of teachers has grown as well. I no longer define the term "teacher" in its strictest form. No, instead my teachers are the individuals I come across every day who encourage me to think more deeply or ponder questions more thoroughly. They are my colleagues, my students, my friends, my family. They are the gas station attendant, the homeless man on the corner, the salesperson at the store. For each situation I find myself in, I find an opportunity to learn.
At the end of every semester I make a point of thanking my students, because I believe they teach me as much or more than I could ever teach them. As has been said many times, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." This belief has never failed me.
So take time today to thank a teacher. It could be your child's teacher, or it could be the grocery store clerk who joked with you when you felt to serious and reminded you that life should be a little more joyous. It could be your spouse who loves you and has taught you to love, or the homeless woman who reminds you to be a bit more generous of heart and earnings. They are all our teachers, and deserve our thanks.
Last night I got a wonderful surprise. This has been a year of ups and downs for me both personally and professionally, and I have been challenged to do and try new things and let some old things go. But one of my former students publicly thanked me on facebook for the work I did with her.
I take my job very seriously, whether I'm teaching a two-year old or a thirty-two year old. The goals may be different as is the curriculum, but my responsibilities remain the same: to teach the student the required curriculum to the best of my ability. A teacher's job doesn't end at the end of class. That's when a teacher's job is just beginning. After the student has left, a teacher is reflecting on the interactions in class, pondering how to better challenge her students, thinking of ways to make the curriculum more interesting and most of all, more meaningful. Planning for the next class takes as much or more time than the actual class itself.
It's always kind of given me a giggle that my degree is a Master's degree of Science in Early Childhood Education. Science, huh? There are a lot of logical and analytical properties that go into teaching--being able to observe and examine which strategies work best and utilize them to bring out the best in each student. Being able to manage time, communicate clearly, and understand one's subject matter all lend themselves to the science behind teaching.
But as every teacher knows, true teaching is an art, an ability to get inside of another person's thinking and coax out the best in him or her; to make the subject matter meaningful in different ways to different people, and to exercise the art of encouraging the learner to create their own constructs of the subject matter. Like any good artist, teachers must be willing to take the time to allow students to develop in their thinking and grow their own ideas. The art of teaching is much like watching a great painting being constructed before you. The student learns the basic lines and patterns, then begins to fill in the blanks with their interpretations of information they are responding to. And if done correctly, no two pieces of artwork are the same. Neither are any two teachers. Although they are all working with the same brushes and paints and lines and dots; they are creating their own ideas and belief systems. Great teachers understand the need for this constructive process and provide students with not only the tools but the belief that they can indeed construct something valuable.
I have had many teachers who have helped me construct my ideas about teaching and learning. Some of those teachers were highly gifted and some never understood that teaching is a dance between the teacher and the learner. Regardless, they all impacted me in different ways. As I have grown in my understanding of what teaching and learning is, my definition of teachers has grown as well. I no longer define the term "teacher" in its strictest form. No, instead my teachers are the individuals I come across every day who encourage me to think more deeply or ponder questions more thoroughly. They are my colleagues, my students, my friends, my family. They are the gas station attendant, the homeless man on the corner, the salesperson at the store. For each situation I find myself in, I find an opportunity to learn.
At the end of every semester I make a point of thanking my students, because I believe they teach me as much or more than I could ever teach them. As has been said many times, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." This belief has never failed me.
So take time today to thank a teacher. It could be your child's teacher, or it could be the grocery store clerk who joked with you when you felt to serious and reminded you that life should be a little more joyous. It could be your spouse who loves you and has taught you to love, or the homeless woman who reminds you to be a bit more generous of heart and earnings. They are all our teachers, and deserve our thanks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)